Society today is marked with the thought that true love is the happily ever after. We get married based on true love. We will move across the country based on love. What is this “love” and why does it control us so?
Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson, in her book Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become, states that according to science there is no such thing as everlasting love. Her research proves from a biological and psychological level that love is not and cannot be a continually present emotion. Love is rather a “micro-moment” of positive connection. A micro-moment, as it sounds, is a rather short amount of time when you think about the above decisions that we make based on love.
Part of the reason that these micro-moments are so powerful is because it literally changes the make-up and functioning of our brain chemistry. Both parties become flooded with positive emotions. While these moments of connection do need to be in the presence of another, they do not happen without face-to-face contact, they can happen in a variety of ways and with a variety of people. You can experience love when connecting with you infant or child. When out for lunch with a friend in deep conversation and when you are enjoying a slow-dance.
So love is not a forever emotion? What a buzz kill! Actually it is the opposite. Love defined this way offers hope, joy and reachable success to those trying to rekindle tired, distressed or bored love relationships. It puts love back into the lives of those who are single, divorced or widowed. We all can experience love daily! Love is built on moments of connection.
How can you use this to have a better life? Start listening to those we want to love. Really listen with your whole self, be present, without judgment, distraction or reservation when in conversation. Ask questions that deepen the conversation. If you have “fallen out of love” with your spouse, take heart! Begin doing loving acts. Remember how you talked with each other and did things for each other when dating? Start dating!
Small daily loving acts will build up a safeguard so when times get tough, and they will, you will have a reserve and will have the power and will to move through the hard times together. On our wedding day we believe we can beat the odds, yet the divorce rate still hovers around 50%! None of us expect that we will be the one’s making the decision to break the family apart, yet it happens…daily! Start to purposefully invest into your family by offering loving acts and moments today. It takes effort to move toward another.