Love. I Help Create it!

Grey zen stone in shape of heart, on sand background
What if I don’t feel loved? What if I am single, divorced, estranged or widowed? What if my marriage and family relationships are less than enjoyable? Is there love for me?

There is love, joy, peace, meaning and purpose for your life, no matter what the current circumstances!

Now I want to be clear, I am not proposing that love is random, that it happens on it’s own and is out of our ability to influence or create. On the contrary, love thrives in certain conditions. To be specific we need two very important elements, safety and connection.

Safety, emotional and physical safety, is absolutely essential to experience love. Your perceived safety is needed for love to be a possible experience for that moment. If you are anxious, worried or otherwise preoccupied, your ability to offer, receive, and experience love is spoiled. This emotion we call love is NOT accessible when we are protected and closed off emotionally.

Sadly those who are suffering from anxiety and depression or even loneliness or low self-esteem have a much higher rate of feeling perceived threats and therefore feel the need to be more protected, guarded. Feeling the need to be strong and ready for the disappointment or hurt, therefore “protecting themselves.” This hyper-vigilance does serve us as a shield, unfortunately it also shields both positivity in general and (love).

I am delighted to say that safety and emotional safety, trust, peace and acceptance of self and others is something that can be grown and cultivated. We can learn how to navigate our internal and external threats. There is love, joy, peace, meaning and purpose for your life no matter what the current circumstances, no matter how few resources or connections you have.

So safety and emotional safety are essential to experience high levels and frequency of love. The second need is connection. Sounds so simple, but connection through our normal means of media, texting, Facebook and such is a common factor I want you to be cautious of. Our brains and bodies desire true connections, face-to-face connections. Love requires the physical presence of two or more people. Our brains actually respond at different levels, in different ways when we have face time.

Scientists contend that the main sensory mode of this co-presence of bodies, this connection, is eye contact. Eye contact may be the most potent trigger for an emotional sync. Now of course there are other modes such as voice tone, facial and body gestures, and others, but eye contact is vital because it engages your sense of intuition.

Our accuracy about the intentions of others increases with eye contact. When we engage in eye contact we are allowed glimpses at the soul. The meaning of the smile and other body language is better understood with healthy amounts of eye contact.

To be clear, I am not proposing that simply having eye contact is love. Love requires connection, and even the loving acts that look like connection like kissing goodbye or holding hands can become routine, loveless habits. Love thrives in positivity, safety, and with real time.

It is highly difficult to be open and emotionally vulnerable when our schedules pull us so tight that we are exhausted and consistently multitasking. If you want to increase your moments of love, then be sure you have space in your schedule for a calm spirit. Decrease your schedule, increase intentional quality.

Fredrickson reminds us, “Love requires you to be physically and emotionally present. It also requires that you slow down… Love grows best when you’re attuned to the present moment, your bodily sensations, as well as to the actions and reactions of others. Sadly, when you’re more attuned to technology, to-do lists, and mass media than to the unique and wondrous individuals in your day you miss out.”

It is not too late! It is never too late to fight for love!

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *