The Difference Between Love and “In Love”


When couples first form a relationship, they are commonly in a stage we know as the “honeymoon” phase.  Everything is fun, new, and exciting.  You get to learn all about the other individual and enjoy a new person who “feels right” in your life.  While this stage is great, sooner or later it does end. The average length of time of this “love drug” is 6-8 months with the max time of being about 2 years.

Even though the honeymoon period has concluded, it doesn’t mean the relationship is no longer fun, fulfilling and exciting.  Now you get the opportunity to know the person on a deeper level.

A confusing time for many individuals is trying to figure out if they are in love, or love the person.  You might be wondering what the difference is.  Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages, and he does a great job of explaining the difference.

Chapman explains that being “in love” is a temporary emotional reaction, similar to the idea of the honeymoon phase.  In contrast, genuine love is much deeper.  This type of love is expressed when you put the needs of the other person before yourself.  This kind of love is not easy.  It takes effort and sacrifice.  In other words, it does not just happen on its own.

Chapman is famous for his work regarding the five love languages: physical touch, gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and acts of service.  Everyone has a primary love language. The primary love language is what is most potent to that person.

Think about your own relationship.  Which language category do you place yourself into?  What about your significant other?

If you aren’t sure which category you or your spouse fall into, check out Chapman’s book.  It is an easy read and is very informational.  Or if you are more on the go and it is easier to surf the web, check out his website:

Knowing your spouse’s primary love language is important.  If you know their category is acts of service, do small things like picking up the house, or filling the car with gas. Also understand that we all feel love in three basic ways and we all have options for showing love and receiving love through words, actions and touch.

So in the next month, give this a try.  First identify your spouse’s category (it is better if you ask them than to just guess), then fulfill actions that relate to that category.  You have nothing to lose, and it could be fun to try! Daily small investments reap the biggest rewards. Do small things to encourage your mate and your relationship daily. It makes a difference.

What would create and ignite your deep love relationship? The barriers to doing are often complex. If you find that this struggle is a frustration, don’t be afraid to get real help that will offer real results.

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