Simple Relationship Investments
This relationship stuff can be simple! However, simple does not always mean easy. The simple relationship investments presented here help relationships thrive, grow and promote emotional safety.
Faithfulness… It is a common term used in our lives but what does it really mean? Does everyone have the same definition or does it vary from person to person?
As trust is a key to friendship, faithfulness is the prerequisite of trust. It is a decision, a choice, it is not just what we do and say but also a stance of the heart. It is contentment with imperfect happiness that comes from living in a close community with imperfect people.
Along with being faithful to your partner, respect, communication and intimacy are important as well. Everyone has different needs. Understanding our partner’s needs can be confusing, but using respectful assertiveness to communicate those needs helps our spouse understand and help us fulfill them. Remember… No one can read your mind. Do not get sucked into the myth of love that says “If you loved me you would just know…”
Being respectful is a relationship investment in many ways. When was the last time you thanked your spouse for working? Little things that we overlook.. or something that may have become expected should also be admired.
Intimacy, both sexual and nonsexual touch, are vital components of investing in marriage. When sex is good it takes it’s normal place in the marriage of about 10-15% of the relationship. When it is an issue for whatever reason, it can consume the marriage and can easily become 70-80% of the problems or a triggering event in the relationship. Just remember, nonsexual touch is just as important as sexual touch. It is not something that should be overlooked.
The well respected relationship researcher, John Gottman, developed the 5-1 ratio for healthy relationships. The ratio means that for every 1 negative interaction, healthy couples will balance it with 5 positive interactions. Think about it, we do not need any help seeing the one time that we were wronged. We tend to put more emotional weight to negative interactions. We need more help seeing the positive pieces and the way others are investing or sacrificing for us. You will also get the benefit of the joy that comes along with purposefully giving, feeding the relationship (and your spouse) also feeds you!
So try this out with your own relationship! Give your spouse multiple true compliments each day and see what effect it has on your relationship. If you want a higher gain for your investment concentrate your positive efforts each day to transition times. Relationships reap 2-5x the benefits of positive interactions when they are done during transition times. The way we start our day and the way we start the evening are especially important!
We don’t expect to retire without some plan-full investing, we should not expect that our relationships will mature, grow and bloom without intentionally investing either!
